“If I had known that my work would have such a morbid effect on people, I would have devoted more time to creating eroticism.”

I make a solemn pledge to you, faithful reader, not to use any bad Edgar Allen Poe puns in my review. The film opens with a specious scrawl that reads something to the effect of: “Edgar Allen Poe was found near death on a park bench on October 7, 1849. The last days of his life remain a mystery.” It’s a footnote of history that the film hangs its entire premise on, and it’s just the kind of thing designed to inspire literary nerds to fall all over themselves as they clamor to the box office.